How husband wife relationship changes after the baby?

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husband wife relationship

If you have been reading my blogs, then you know I planned – or tried to plan – everything to be a good father. From the moment I got the news of my baby’s arrival, I became this fussy guy who wanted everything to be smooth sailing.


If you have been reading my blogs, you’d know that no shit tuned out the way I wanted. It was like destiny mocking me, “Oh! You have prepared for rain? Haha! The joke is on you because here comes the hail.”

Summary: Whatever I did went into disarray.

I mean, how come something as innocuous as a baby – who is no longer than the longest bone in my body – can bring about so many changes in my life.

But it happened.

What is parenthood, if not the hat from which one rabbit comes out after the other? You can prepare for one rabbit, probably for two rabbits, but definitely not for three rabbits.

The third rabbit is the changes in the husband wife relationship post-parenthood. This was the biggest surprise for me after becoming a dad.

It was bad, really bad because I was relying on her support (and vice versa) to walk through this quagmire. But, alas! I lost my support as soon as I stepped into it.

After all, what else was changing in our lives other than the arrival of a baby? For that little thing, we set a cradle by the side of our bed. It was simple: put the baby in the cradle, and our love would be the same!

Phew! EVERYTHING SAME, after the baby? Hahaha, the joke is on you.

Like other things, I fell short here.

We didn’t really talk about how things were going to change once we had a baby. So when it happened, it was like: why is it happening and what to do to stop it, because, if we both lost our minds, who will take care of this little one.

We both were angry and ready to bite

When you are stressed and sleep-deprived, the affection of your husband wife relationship takes a back seat. You simply can’t put your relationship first anymore. Your emotions are heightened, and you lose temper at very trivial things. I clearly remember losing my temper when I could not calm my crying kid.

Yes, I was wrong, and I shouldn’t have done that. But it happened!

I was trying my best to help her because she was going through a lot. I know a lot of the times when there wasn’t really much that I could do physically. But emotionally, I just was trying to be there and talk her through it.

We both were irritated because parenthood was demanding, and honestly, we were struggling big time. So, we found ourselves fighting more.

Romance… what is that?

I love my kids more than anything else in the world, but after becoming a dad, I lost my wife to the baby. Most of our time was spent in catering to our kids when they were born.

Finding time for ourselves felt like a struggle. Anytime we weren’t irritated or pissed, we were groggy and only wanted to sleep.

We both felt distant. While in reality, we both used to lie on each side of the baby and see our hearts melt at every cooing. <3

But, in essence, we both were so caught up in the hassle of child care that we rarely found a moment to ourselves. We couldn’t go out (because, obviously), so it felt like a gap, which gradually got covered as our kid grew.

We saw each other at our worst

Few days after the baby, we both were chuffed! We both wanted to be our absolute best. We were told that it would be an experience to cherish (IT FUCNKIN IS NOT).

A month into it, we were like, “Nope! We can’t pretend anymore.”

So we shunned the pretense and accepted each other in whatever miserable form they were in. I remember breaking down and crying to my wife (Yes, I was the baby too).

Also, I remember my wife’s burst of laughter when I was peed all over by the kid…yes!

We both used to stink, and we learned to love each other despite the smell.

So, we both knew that we are in this shit together, and whatever it is, now we have to see it through. So it helped that we lowered our expectations from each other.

As long as the baby is peacefully sleeping and the diaper isn’t drenched in poop, we both were happy.

We talked more

Talking openly with each other is the most important aspect of a husband wife relationship. My wife and I were clear that our relationship would base upon franks conversation. After the baby, we became more open, because once you start talking about poop, there isn’t much left.

So we talked about how shit this all is, how we can do well as parents, how we both are feeling, etc.

I felt depressed at times, and other times, she felt exhausted. But we talked about it. We cried, shouted, vented, and it felt like having a baby had made it easier to express your emotions without thinking of the other person’s reaction. And it helped us.

Words of wisdom: your husband wife relationship will benefit a lot when the door of conversation is kept open.

In the end… things did change

We both were wiping the baby’s ass.

We both cleaned them up after they pee on the bed.

We both prepared food, and both lost out night sleeps.

So, the baby brought both of us at par. We both worked to the best of our capabilities to keep the damage at the minimum (joke, not really). It helped us to understand each other more.

We both took our time to adapt to these changes. And once we did, we found that we were helping each other out more. Yes, there were times when we both wanted to banish the other person out of the room, but it was ephemeral.

As soon as we hear that shrill cry, we team up again and rush to see what new mess that no-longer-than-my-femur baby has now created.


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